shame on me

Being a perfectionist is not ideal.  And this time, I ran out of time and came too late.

Eighteen months ago, my darling Christy, after a fall from a jet ski causing her to loose consciousness for a few seconds and the thought that she suffered a concussion from the fall, had been in fact diagnosed with a nasty Glioblastoma.  The tumor spread in June and I was lucky to see my friend one last time at the end of July.  It was a massive surprise to see her coming out of the car and I thought that everyone was making her situation look far worse than it was!  At that moment I decided to make her a beanie to make sure she keeps her head with those tiny hair warm and cozy during the winter months.  I promised her husband that I would drop something at their frontdoor …

It took me some serious time to decide about the pattern.  Really? A beanie is a beanie, right?  Then I had to pick a color … nothing better than blue to match her eyes.  And I crochetted ferocely based on a just-discovered pattern that started from the base – with a rim – to the top.  I hadn’t realized how the top was going to be finished.  Once I did, it was not what I wanted.  So I blocked, stopped, complained and blahblahblah.  Thinking about finding another ending, many days went by.  I even took the projet with me on the road trip with the idea to finalized it … It came back home untouched.  And it was already November.  And it was really time for me to give my present.  Took me a few more days as I couldn’t get me in gear …

On Monday 11/16 evening, in my bed, I finally finished it [it was only a question of joining the top with yarn and a needle] and I was going to bring it to their frontdoor in the morning.  It had turned really nicely.  So why the wait?  Afraid?  Most likely.  Something in my subconscience probably didn’t want to finish it … Because when I woke up that Tuesday morning, I knew that she will never wear it.  She had crossed her finish line at 4 am on that same morning.  I had no courage to bring it as planned but did so in the evening …

Here is my hat for you, Christy.  I was made for you and nobody else.  And I can hear your compliments.

Christy's beanie
Christy’s beanieP

2 thoughts on “shame on me

  1. It is beautiful but so sad she didn’t see it in real life. But I am sure she can see it from wherever she is and still feel the love of the person who made it. So sorry for your loss.
    Big hug


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s